I missed the day when I stopped missing you.
I looked at your ankles as you were picking out your perfect back-to-school outfit. They are covered in scratched and picked bug bites; after a shower, the bottoms of your toes are still black with dirt from the inside of your summer-loved Keen sandals. Your feet have grown long and lean, and I missed when they became the feet of a school girl; I missed that day, that moment.
For your outfit, we had originally settled on your elephant dress, but you changed your mind at some point during the day, and decided the monkey-bars (the play ground challenge you now scale with ease) would be problematic in your elephant dress. You declared a skirt with shorts was your only option, and your outfit could have absolutely no pink, obviously.You went to Kindergarten in head to toe pink. I missed the “no pink” memo, I missed that day, I missed the no-pink moment.
Wearing no pink, you will start first grade tomorrow. And I realized as I was staring at your feet, that I am only excited for you. Only EXCITED. Tomorrow, sweet girl, I will not miss you. You will leave with Daddy, and head to first grade in your purple skirt, and orange shirt. I will miss the moment, but I will not miss you. I will pick you up, after your first day of first grade, and I will be ready to hear all about your new classroom, but I will not be sad that you had this day without me, because I will not miss you.
Simply put, I missed the moment when I stopped missing you. I missed the moment, when I knew you were out there in the world literally being awesome, so I did not need to worry, I did not need to miss you. I missed the day I stopped missing you.
You my sweet girl, will not miss me either. You will take your confident, lean and leggy self to first grade. Daddy will drop you at the door this year, he will not walk you in, and you will embrace your Montessori training, and you will go, by yourself, and you will not miss us, and that is okay. I can only hope, that as your legs grow longer, and you detest new colors, that you let us know, that you will remember to tell us about the moments we miss.