Back to school, and I have no idea if I served them.

It’s no secret that I love the fall. I love everything New England provides. Like good New Englanders we start fall early, and we send tiny humans to school in August. We are over achievers. I’m pro the post Labor Day school start. My girlinas do not return until next week.

My tiny humans are basically feral at this point in the summer. Dinner is hummus and gluten free pretzels. (OMG we are so white.) We legit forgot to bring our vegetarian daughter a veggie burger to the lake tonight. I know, I’m the worst. She had more than enough, and she had chocolate, and drove a golf cart.

I see all of the back to school posts that encompass and define my love for this season. Fall will always be my New Year. How the hell does anyone plan new beginnings in 20 degree temperatures with a million inches of snow??? I do not. Fall is my start.

I’m sending tiny humans to fifth grade and pre-k. I have a lot of feels about both of these arbitrary year assignments.

It’s a terrible picture, but the moment was joyful.

My fifth grader is on the edge of something, and I can’t figure it out. I’m honestly not sure we made the right choice for her. The choice wasn’t made out of convenience. It wasn’t made out of a no-choice-option. She’s returning to her small and lovely Montessori. It’s not that the choice is bad, or wrong. We explored several options. I’m just not sure… I can barely articulate it. We will see what the year holds I guess. I reached the age in this mothering journey when I truthfully know nothing….

My pre-k girl is “easier.” But OMG [insert expletives] she may be kindergarten age, but she is not kindergarten ready. And if one more person suggests she should be in kindergarten I might lose it. (I actually went to fancy college for this. I have a whole BA in this nonsense. I will tell you she is not ready.) It is fine that she is a young 4. It is more than okay. It is in fact brilliant. She’s a young 4. She’s very little (the size of a early 3 year old), and she isn’t kindergarten ready. She’s brilliant, funny, hates bedtime, and is not ready for kindergarten. When you are whole 48 months old another 12 matters. That’s a lot of growth.

The kindergarten cut off in CT is they have to be age five by December 30th. She will turn 5 on November 5th. She’s little. She isn’t ready. The decision I actually feel confident about is the one everyone keeps asking about.

Oo is not going to kindergarten. She’s doing another year in pre-k at her lovely and small Montessori. She will learn everyday. She needs more time. As her mama all I’m thinking of if this is the moment we don’t give them time (at age 4) when do we give them time to be rockstars? Oo is 4. I give precisely zero Fs if she learns how to read this year. I care that she wakes up excited for school.

I’m entering my favorite season with lots of trepidation. Did we make the best choices? I have no idea. It’s a decision that’s costing a small fortune. I’m going to own a beach house after these costs, kind of decisions.

The little isn’t ready for kindergarten. The big is figuring some stuff out, and I suspect neither one of us know what the stuff is yet. So all I could do was give her an environment she has previously thrived in. All I could do was trust the little wasn’t ready.

Anyway, my favorite season isn’t feeling joyful. It’s just full of feels. Feels that maybe I did wrong…. or maybe I did okay… maybe. Maybe we hurry up and wait.

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