I Realize I’ve Said This Before, But It’s Really Important. 

She now chats in the car. We have full conversations about whatever is on her mind, and there is no screaming about car seat straps, or getting in the car, or life in general. My goodness, I soak in her calm. I love hearing her words.

I listened as she poetically described her dreams, her friends, and her favorite lake days. I get that for a lot of parents this may seem so normal, but Oo only screamed at us before, everytime we put her in the car she yelled. To listen to her chatter is blissfully obnoxious.

She doesn’t hurt anymore.

I read a lot. When her behaviors became super challenging, I employed every technique the experts told me worked. They work now. They didn’t before… it was terrible. It didn’t matter how dedicated to the cause I was… breathing was hard. Now I reminder her to practice “calm bodies” and she does! And we all find peace.

She doesn’t hurt anymore.

She has more energy than we know what to do with. She’s now non-stop, and the world is hers. We are naturally exhausted. We went from constantly over tired tiny human (due to anemia) to a child that hates bedtime. It’s a welcomed change, alibet exhausting.

She doesn’t hurt anymore.

A part of our new normal is figuring out her energy levels – insane I might add, but she’s running with the dog, and swimming in the lake she was afraid of. Tonight she found conflict with her BFF. But she was so damn rational about the entire conflict.

She doesn’t hurt anymore.

I spent endless hours worrying about how much attention and touch she had in a day, because I believed them to correlate directly with how our day would go. Now,  she just says “I need a snuggle.” And then after she plays.

She doesn’t hurt anymore.

I wish I could accurately explain what it is like to watch a tiny human struggle with life. How you believe you have to navigate life for them, because everything is a challenge. How I was so scared for her at every moment. How I worried. How she woke up struggling, and went to bed exhausted beyond belief. I wish I could explain what it is like to watch a tiny body not thrive. How I wish I could explain what apologizing for her felt like. How I felt the worst guilt, that I did it all wrong… that I loved this sweet baby wrong.

She doesn’t hurt anymore.

I noticed today that the pink circles around her eyes caused by malnutrition were gone. I noticed that she ran until bedtime. I noticed that she rationally accepted bedtime.

She doesn’t hurt anymore.

This diagnosis sucks, but I’m so grateful for treatment. We have planned the most epic gluten free 4th picnic. She will swim. She will eat. She will play. She will thrive.

She doesn’t hurt anymore. #beyondceliac #celiacawaerness #letthembelittle

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