I am desperate to write. I have no idea how to articulate all of my feels. Everyone needs. Everyone needs something. I was careful, and I made calculated moves to not internalize my student’s stories. I have learned to not need. My daughter needs. My sweet amazing seven year old needs. She needs me right now. Her teachers told me that she has a tremendous sense of community, and a mature understanding of group dynamic. And she needs a space to have those emotions. She needs her mama to provide the space to understand how challenging it is when everyone needs.
My seven year old (seven on Friday) is already feeling my burden. She is in debt to her community because she knows she would not be half of the tiny human she is without them. And my heart breaks for her. I want to teach her to be responsible for herself, but that is not how our world with people operates. And it is okay that she understands that, but she is so tiny to understand that burden.
Her beautiful soul is going to be quickly disenchanted to learn that most people do not care. I have to find her need somewhere between understanding that most people do not care, and teach her to still a live a life full of compassion. I have raised a tiny human to think just like me, and that is a challenging reality. I never thought the job would entail these type of impossible no win lessons. I have to teach her to embrace the community that will often not embrace her.
She is lucky, and I am fortunate. We are ridiculously privileged. I will learn from her, and hopefully she will continue to learn from me. We will navigate our new definition of community. In the last year, to tackle my own professional and personal struggles I adopted a strategy to simply “give a shit.” Care about what, how, and when you are doing anything, and provide a meaningful contribution to the discussion. Simply, give a shit. My seven year old already gives a shit. She deeply cares about her contribution to her community. Those are big feels for this mama, and big feels for my sweet girl, she is only a newly seven. Please remind her that she is amazing.